so on the day that a bunch of Tories are all launching their bids to become the next prime minister, let’s have a look at some of the candidates!

– Michael Gove: currently embroiled in scandal because he did cocaine 20 years ago and apparently this is a bigger problem than the fact that he’s an incompetent twat

– Jeremy Hunt: has kindly just announced that he plans to limit abortions to 12 weeks – coming from a man who spent the best part of the last 10 years destroying the NHS

– Matt Hancock: is already a meme and an app, gave people stroopwafels at his campaign launch, has the support of Judge Rinder (basically the British Judge Judy)

– Dominic Raab: self-proclaimed non-feminist, has a shit hashtag (#ReadyForRaab), has a lot of negative thoughts about Brexit negotiations despite the fact that he was LITERALLY Brexit Secretary

Rory Stewart: probably the best out of the bunch, keeps filming himself walking around Britain harassing innocent by-standers into debating with him, basically a wannabe Romantic poet, did opium once but this isn’t as much of an issue as Gove’s cocaine

– Esther McVey: idk but Lorraine Kelley couldn’t pretend to like her for thirty seconds on live TV

– Andrea Leadsom: people still annoyed at her for saying that Theresa May wouldn’t be a good PM because she doesn’t have children last time she ran for leader

– Boris Johnson: self-explanatory